Chaos and Cat-astrophe!
by Anjion
Summary: What happens when you take a group of singing, dancing Newsies and three colourful thieves, and then mix in a group of singing, dancing Cats and two crazy fangirl authors? Read on to find out! WARNING: Complete idiocy and nonsense within!


**By Biankies and Anjion**

 **A/N: This is another collaboration between me and my best friend, Biankies, and features the movie cast of Cats, our 3 favourite sidekicks – Babkak, Omar and Kassim – from Aladdin (specifically those from the original Broadway cast), and the Newsies (movie cast).**

 **AA/N: Mac and Lacey (when they appear!) are Newsies. Mac is the doctor to her friends and Lacey is Spot Conlon's second-in-command and annoys him mercilessly!**

 **YAA/N: Having never seen Cats live** ** _anywhere_** **(though it would definitely be an amazing experience), we are using the movie cast/characters for this story. However, it was written lovingly for you – the Broadway Revival cast – after we watched the "What's New, Pussycat?" backstage videos and fell in love with you guys! You are fantastic! And of course, if you wish, you can imagine yourselves in place of the movie versions...**

 **Also, we believe that 'Mr Mistoffelees' is simply Quaxo's stage name and that he only assumes his 'Mistoffelees' form when he's performing larger magical feats or trying to impress... (He can still do magic in both forms, though...)**

 **Secondly, we like to think of Gus the Theatre Cat and Asparagus as two different cats. (Or rather, there's Asparagus 'Gus' and Asparagus Jr...)**

 **And lastly, for the purposes of this adventure, the Cats are all human sized. (Yes, I know that the scale of everything on the set is intended to make them look small, but I kind of ignored that fact...)**

 **OMA/N: Sorry about this really long Authors' Note; it kind of ran away with me...**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters except Mac, Lacey and ourselves. Please read and review!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

PART ONE

( _All is as calm as one could expect on Manhattan's busy streets, which are currently free of the influence of two troublesome authors known as Biankies and Anjion (better known as Mouse and Stars).  
For a moment, there is relative tranquillity, but then the peace is shattered as a large, black and gold tom cat appears literally out of nowhere. It is chasing a rather speedy mouse, leaving behind a trail of destruction and eliciting a series of yelps, squeals and startled shrieks from the people as they find themselves jumping out of the way..._)

MOUSE: ( _as the cat misses her by an inch_ ) STARSIE! HELP!

CAT: Oh, stop yelling and slow down! You're making me ruin my mane!

MOUSE: No way! Bad cat! _Bad_ cat!

( _The pair continue the chase for a few more blocks before the Mouse bumps into a familiar human..._ )

ANJION: ( _as the mouse clambers up onto her shoulder_ ) Hey! No climbing on me! Oh, sorry Mousey. What did you do this time and to whom?

BIANKIES THE MOUSE: Well... ( _takes a deep breath before rambling_ ) I was visiting the boys in Agrabah because you had to do that really important thing in the big city, and Omar wanted cookies so Kassim and I went to get him some, but then Kassim decided it would be a good idea to try and steal Jafar's staff, but Jafar caught us and Kassim escaped but I didn't, and Jafar was mad so he turned me into a mouse and sent me to this big scary place with a lot of scary cats, and I _tried_ to be quiet but _this_ one saw me and well... ( _she pauses just long enough to take another deep breath, before pointing to the cat and yelling in Anjion's ear_ ) HE TRIED TO EAT ME!

ANJION: ( _clutching her ear_ ) There's no need to shout, Mousey, I'm right here! Wow, you _have_ had a busy morning! Now let's have a look at this cat... ( _she looks properly at the cat, which is now staring fixatedly at the mouse on her shoulder, and her mouth drops open_ ) Oh. My. Gosh! I-I don't believe it!

BIANKIES: ( _looking in every direction but the correct one_ ) What? What is it?

ANJION: ( _in disbelief_ ) It's Tugger! It's the Rum Tum Tugger! You know, that adorable Maine Coon from Cats the Musical!

( _Quick as a flash, the mouse on Anjion's shoulder scoots round to look and as soon as she discovers that her friend is indeed telling the truth, she goes slightly hyper and starts squeaking hysterically.._.)

TUGGER: ( _suddenly looking extremely unsettled at the tiny creature's unnatural behaviour_ ) Er... What is it doing?

ANJION: ( _wincing_ ) She's fangirling... Hold on, let me put her back to normal...

( _And she pulls out her wand and swiftly performs the spell that Professor McGonagall taught her, and Biankies is restored to humanity.._.)

TUGGER: Wait... you're telling me that the mouse was a _person_?!

BIANKIES: ( _excitedly_ ) I'm a huge, huge, huge fan! THIS IS SO AWESOME!

TUGGER: ( _swiping at his ears and grimacing_ ) I think I liked the mouse better...

BIANKIES: Can we keep him?

ANJION: ( _desperately trying to keep her eyes above the cat's waist_ ) No... I think we'd better get him back to his family... Wait a minute! How did he even _get_ here?! He lives in London! Come to think of it, how did _you_ get here, Mousey? You said Jafar sent _you_ to London; how'd you get back _here_ so fast?

BIANKIES: I don't know. We were running and then we ran into that weird, giant blue pipe and then I ran into you. Just in time too!

TUGGER: Not for me! _I'm_ still hungry!

ANJION: ( _quick as a flash_ ) I have a bag of Tuna Treats! Do you like those?

TUGGER: What are Tuna Treats?

( _Anjion passes the small bag of random cat treats to the Maine Coon who, after giving the packet a cautious sniff, turns up his nose and sneers. Anjion shrugs and turns to Biankies, and so doesn't see the cat quickly down the entire packet in one go..._ )

BIANKIES: But I wanna _keep_ him! Besides, he doesn't _wanna_ go home, do you Tugger?

( _She waves another packet of treats enticingly at Tugger, who takes them from her as if he'd just been passed something unpleasant...whilst trying not_ _to let on that he_ likes _Tuna Treats..._ )

ANJION: ( _firmly_ ) We are sending him home, Mousey. He'd just get miserable here. Especially with Kassim as a potential rival... ( _Tugger looks scandalised at this comment!_ ) Now, where's that pipe...

( _The three of us start to examine the pipe, with Tugger surreptitiously trying to eat the treats without us noticing, and conclude after a few moments that it is just that: a pipe_.)

ANJION: ( _straightening up_ ) Well, that's not going to be a viable option any more, Mousey. We'll have to find another rouuuuutttteee!

( _This last note is a drawn-out yell as the ground beneath us suddenly gives way...and we come down onto something soft. Once Anjion and Biankies have regained their senses, they look to see what they have landed on... and while Biankies doesn't know whether to squeal or blush when she realises that she's landed on a very annoyed Tugger, Anjion is surprised and delighted to discover that_ she _has landed on a certain silver and black tabby tom, who has a perfectly comical expression of shock on his face..._ )

ANJION: ( _having her own fangirling moment_ ) SQUEEEEEEE! It's Munkustrap! My _favourite_!

MUNKUSTRAP: ( _gasping_ ) Can't... breathe...

ANJION: ( _hastily rolling off of her top favourite cat_ ) Oh! Sorry, Munko...

TUGGER: ( _pushing Biankies off in annoyance_ ) GET OFF!

BIANKIES: Hey! We're back with the scary cats!

MUNKUSTRAP: ( _wheezing and still looking a little shell-shocked_ ) W-who are you and w-where have you come from?

ANJION: Oh, we were just returning your little brother to you. He chased my friend through a portal and ended up in Manhattan.

MUNKO: ( _confused and still wheezing_ ) P-ortal? Manh-hattan? ( _he looks round at his brother_ ) Tugger?

( _Tugger shrugs, vaguely. Munko looks back at Anjion, hoping she'll explain, but both she and her friend have been distracted by the appearance of yet_ another _cat...this one a small, black and white tuxedo tom..._ )

ANJION: ( _squealing_ ) QUAXO!

BIANKIES: ( _squealing_ ) MISTOFFELEES!

( _And they both charge towards the startled cat..._ )

QUAXO: ( _looking to Munkustrap_ ) HELP!

TUGGER: ( _swallowing his last mouthful of treats_ ) Just be glad _you_ don't have a _mouse_ doing that!

QUAXO: ( _desperately trying to avoid hugs on two fronts_ ) Someone do something!

( _But the little cat is unable to escape the two authors' embrace and his eyes pop briefly as he receives a loving squeeze. His look of relief when he is finally released is nothing short of precious!_ )

QUAXO: ( _coughing slightly as he attempts to regain his composure_ ) Um...hi?

MUNKO: ( _having finally recovered his own composure_ ) Who _are_ you?

( _By this point, more cats have appeared and are gathering around the two strange humans, watching them with interest._ )

ANJION: ( _enthusiastically_ ) Oh! I'm Anjion – known to my friends as Stars, and this is Biankies, also called Mouse! No, you can't eat her; she's not _that_ kind of mouse... We already know who you guys are. ( _she starts counting the various cats off on her fingers as she says their names.._.) There's Munkustrap (my Favourite! Squeee!), the Rum Tum Tugger and Quaxo, obviously...

QUAXO: ( _piping up_ ) How'd you know my real name is Quaxo? Most people just call me Mistoffelees! Which is only my stage name...

( _Anjion just grins as only a true fan can, before continuing._ )

ANJION: ...And Skimbleshanks, Plato, Victoria, Jennyanydots, not forgetting dear Old Deuteronomy...

END OF PART ONE

* * *

PART TWO

( _Some time later._..)

ANJION: ( _in the style of a storyteller_ ) ...And that's how we got _here_ , to the junkyard.

JENNYANYDOTS: So you both come from this Manhattan, do you?

ANJION: Well, no; I come from England, actually (a little place called the Isle of Wight), and Mousey is from South Africa! But we like it in Manhattan (even though we've never actually been there) because our top favourite Musical is set there! It's called Newsies...

( _At that moment, as if on cue, a random portal suddenly appears, spilling a large group of youngish boys and three colourful thieves into the junkyard.._.)

MUSH: ( _getting to us first, apparently taking the fall through the portal in his stride_ ) Stars! Mouse! We gotta go! Snyder's after us!

ANJION: ( _confused_ ) But...you mean he chased you into that portal?

RACETRACK: ( _coming_ _up_ _behind_ _Mush_ ) Yes! He's on his way!

TUMBLEBRUTUS: Who's Snyder?

BIANKIES: Probably the worst child catcher imaginable! He locks kids up in a terrible place called the Refuge, and I don't think he'd be averse to putting a few giant cats in there either!

ALONZO: ( _from_ _his_ _lookout_ _perch_ ) I can see him! He's coming this way! Oh my, he's _terrifying_!

( _All the boys immediately start panicking and everyone starts scrambling to escape this oncoming unknown terror...all except Quaxo, who is frozen in fear. He too has seen Snyder hurtling towards them and cannot help imagining he can see fearful fangs and killer claws upon the swiftly approaching man, but still, he cannot move.._.)

RANDOM CAT: Quaxo, come _on_!

( _Quaxo is snapped out of his frozen state and, before anyone can stop him, he has waved his arms and performed his favourite teleportation spell. There is a flash of white light, a small bang!...and then we find ourselves in a heap in a dark alley..._ )

SPECS: ( _once we have untangled ourselves_ ) Where _are_ we?

POUNCIVAL: ( _whispering_ ) Looks like London!

ANJION: ( _grimly_ ) But it doesn't _feel_ like London...

BIANKIES: ( _clinging_ _to_ _her_ _friend_ ) This place is almost as scary as a junkyard full of giant cats...

MUNKO: Quaxo, where have you brought us?

QUAXO: ( _looking a little sheepish_ ) I don't know... I just wanted to be where that scary man _wasn't_...

CORICOPAT: ( _coming up_ ) Well, I'm sorry to tell you the bad news, but he is here too.

TANTOMILE: Good news is, he has yet to find us... But he feels... _different_ , somehow...

CORICO: ...As does everything else... Almost as if this was an alternate version of the world we know...

( _But they look up to find that nobody is listening, and Corico scowls._ )

( _And then there is a sudden shriek of horror from down the alley..._ )

ETCETERA: ( _in concern_ ) Tugger! Tugger, get up! Get off him, Tumble! You're squashing Tugger!

TUGGER: ( _in a pained voice, milking it for all he's worth_ ) It's okay, Cetty, I'll be alright... But my mane got _terribly_ mussed up in the fall...

( _Etcetera immediately starts to wail, which gets gradually louder until–_ )

JENNYANYDOTS: ( _sharply_ ) Oh, cut that _out_ , Etcetera! Tugger is perfectly fine! And _you_ ( _she fixes her glare on Tugger_ ) can _easily_ sort that mane out in _less_ than a _minute_ when it suits you! Now get up and come _on_!

( _But before anyone can move, a loud, ear-splitting screech sends most of the Newsies towards Anjion and most of the Cats diving towards their Protector...Quaxo included..._ )

OMAR: ( _whimpering_ ) That sounded close...

MUNKO: ( _trying not to trip over the Cats clustered at his feet_ ) We'd better move out of here...

JENNY: I suggest we get everyone back to the junkyard. We can find hiding places for everyone there...

MUNKO: Good idea. It's safe there.

BIANKIES: ( _squishing the nearest person; in this case, Alonzo_ ) But it's scary out there! I don't wanna go!

ALONZO: ( _hissing at Biankies until she lets go_ ) It's scary _here_!

( _As if to prove his point, a huge pterodactyl suddenly appears overhead, revealing itself to be the owner of the awful screech.._.)

MUNKO: ( _looking up and so not looking where he is going_ ) Everybody, follow me!

( _And he runs straight into an open manhole.._.)

JENNY: ( _running anxiously to the edge of the hole_ ) Munkustrap?

MUNKO: ( _in an echoey voice_ ) Ow...

BIANKIES: Erm... Starsie... We better get him out quick 'cause the scary screeching thing is heading this way...

QUAXO: I can do that!

( _The little cat waves his paws and murmurs something, and Munkustrap slowly appears at ground level again. He staggers a little when he gains solid ground again and Jenny runs to support him._ )

KASSIM: ( _leaning in to Munko and pointing at the manhole_ ) That's usually _me_ , you know...

( _The pterodactyl flies overhead again, this time seemingly directly interested in the group gathered below him. And then it dives.._.)

JELLYLORUM: ( _frantically_ ) Quickly, everyone! Into that warehouse over there! Now!

( _We all manage to make it into the warehouse just in time._ )

MUNKO: ( _doing a quick head count_ ) All the cats are here, but I think _you_ guys are missing three.

MUSH: ( _sighing_ ) Nah, they're not missing... merely hiding... You'll get used to it eventually...

( _He points to Kassim, Anjion and Swifty, who all turn around to reveal a trembling Coward attached to each of them.._.)

ANJION: ( _detaching Biankies and gathering Cats and boys alike around her_ ) Now then, it seems that something has gone wrong with Quaxo's spell, because pterodactyls aren't usually found in London. In fact, they're not usually found _anywhere_ anymore, due to them being extinct... So we need to get back to the junkyard as quickly as possible and work out how to put it right from there. Agreed?

EVERYONE: Agreed.

DEMETER: ( _nervously_ ) B-but what about that big monster? How d-do we go anywhere without it s-seeing us?

ADMETUS: ( _bouncing_ _enthusiastically, wearing a stupid grin_ ) We jump it and kill it!

EVERYONE: Be _quiet_ , Admetus!

ALONZO: Have you seen the _size_ of that thing, Admetus? It would easily overpower us _all_ put together! Plus the fact that it can _fly_!

( _Admetus pouts and scowls at us all._ )

MUNGOJERRIE: ( _from near the far wall_ ) 'Ere look! There's an 'ole 'ere! Seems to lead inta some sorta tunnel! We could try that?

RUMPELTEAZER: Yeah! And Quaxo could light the way! He glows like a beacon when he wants ta!

BIANKIES: ( _nervously_ ) But it's scary in there! I don't wanna go down the scary dark tunnel!  
( _She sits down with her legs and arms crossed..._ )

BABKAK: ( _quickly_ _throwing Biankies over his shoulder_ ) Too bad, you're going. Either that or stay here...on your _own_...

BIANKIES: ( _looking at Anjion pleadingly_ ) But I don't _wanna_ go in there! It's scary!

MUNKO: ( _to_ _Anjion_ ) Does this happen often?

ANJION: ( _rolling_ _her_ _eyes_ ) Sadly, yes... Come on Quaxo! Let's go into that tunnel!

QUAXO: ( _shakily_ ) B-but... I don't wanna go first!

ANJION: ( _coaxingly_ ) But you're currently the only one who can produce any sort of light source. And besides, we'll be right behind you...

MUNGO: And it's too dark even for our cat eyes!

( _And so we venture into the tunnel, headed by Quaxo, whose paws are glowing (though not very brightly), and brought up at the rear by Alonzo and Munkustrap_.)

SKIMBLE: ( _to_ _Tugger_ , _cheerfully_ _oblivious_ ) Well, isn't this fun?

( _No sooner are the words out of his mouth, than there is a high-pitched shriek from up ahead and the light goes out. And then..._ )

TUGGER: ( _startled_ ) HELP! SOMETHING'S GOT ME!

DEMETER: ( _shrieking_ _too_ ) AAAGGGGHHH! There's a great big monster in here!

BOMBALURINA: ( _concerned_ ) Where? Demeter, what does it look like?

DEMETER: I can't see it, but it seems to have a smooth body and a big..hairy...mane... ( _pause_ ) Oh... Sorry Tugger...

( _In the darkness, Tugger glares at Demeter_.)

( _Meanwhile, Anjion has only just managed to extricate Quaxo's claws from her person, to which the terrified cat has been clinging._..)

JENNY: ( _from somewhere in the middle of the group_ ) What happened? What was that scream?

ANJION: That was Quaxo. Something startled him... ( _she starts cooing coaxingly to the frightened tuxedo tom_ ) Come on Quaxo...

( _Quaxo shakily re-illuminates his paws and for a few minutes, we travel onwards without incident. And then, from somewhere in front of us, a strange unseen creature starts speaking in a strange, hissing voice.._.)

VOICE: What is it, Preciousss? What _is_ it? Is it more Hobbitses? Doesn't _smell_ like Hobbitses...

ANJION: ( _chuckling, as Quaxo latches onto Biankies this time_ ) It's Gollum! It's alright, Quaxo, it's only Gollum! He won't hurt you!

( _The huge orbs of Gollum's eyes flash briefly in the darkness, and then he can be heard scampering away_.)

MUNKO: ( _calling from the back_ ) What's going _on_ up there? We have to get out of here; there are kittens present!

TUGGER: ( _pointedly_ ) And we're going to need light.

( _Everyone turns to Quaxo, only to find him sitting on the ground, listening attentively to Biankies as she and her Cowardly friends surround him..._ )

QUAXO: ( _his paws glowing just enough to cast shadows_ ) So anyone can join?

BIANKIES: ( _handing over a Cowardly Club brochure_ ) Yeah, and you will always have other cowards to be cowardly with.

QUAXO: ( _uncertainly_ ) But I'm not really a coward... I just get scared easily...

BIANKIES: ( _shrugging_ ) Doesn't really matter. Skittery here ain't really a coward either but that doesn't stop him acting like one sometimes...

QUAXO: Okay... How do I sign up?

BIANKIES: You sign your name on _this_ ( _she pulls out a large piece of paper from her pocket and hands it to him_ ) and answer the questions on it, and then you're one of us.

( _The four Cowards continue to talk as all the others look to Anjion, baffled by the sudden interruption to their journey..._ )

TUGGER: ( _annoyed_ ) Well, I'm _sorry_ to break up this little meeting, but there are far more _important_ things to be doing than sitting around chatting...

MUNKO: ( _from the back, interrupting_ ) Will you guys _please_ get a move on! We have to get back to the junkyard!

( _And so we set off again, at a much faster pace this time, and we finally emerge back into daylight_...)

TUGGER: Well that's a relief! Now the others can see my awesomeness again!

QUAXO: And I can fill out that form.

RACE: ( _kindly_ ) You don't really _need_ the form, pal. Mousey wouldn't be offering you 'membership' if she didn't think you'd fit right in...

( _Biankies glares at him. Race ignores her._

 _We look tentatively around, checking to see if there are any monsters hanging about. There aren't.._.)

MUNKO: ( _making his way back to the front_ ) Come on, people, let's go...

( _But as he turns round again, he finds himself face to face with a very drunk pirate..._ )

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: ( _breathing heavily in Munko's face_ ) Where's all the rum gone? Hmm? And _why_ is all the rum gone? Maybe that second one is more important... I bet that Turner lad took it... Do _you_ know?

( _And, without waiting for a reply, he staggers off, periodically looking at his empty bottle in confusion, and leaving behind a very stunned Munkustrap.._.)

MUNGO: ( _after_ _a long pause_ ) Well. _That_ was interesting...

( _Just then a loud crash is heard, snapping everyone out of their shock, and the Cowardly Club, newest member included, heads to their favourite human to jump on_...

 _We look wildly around, and seconds later, a huge Snylitzel comes crashing out of a nearby alley and heads straight for us!_ )

 **[A/N: a Snylitzel is a creature that is essentially Snyder, Pulitzer and Wiesel (from Newsies) rolled into one hideous body.]  
**  
ANJION: ( _shaking_ _herself_ _free_ _of_ _the_ _Cowards_ ) Oh no! A Snylitzel!

ADMETUS: ( _grinning_ _stupidly_ ) What's a Snylitzel?

SPECS: ( _pointing_ _behind_ _him_ ) _That's_ a Snylitzel!

BIANKIES: ( _wisely_ ) It doesn't really _matter_ what it is! In the words of the Cowardly One, "It matters not _what_ you are running from – or even _why_ you are running!; – only that you, as a true and noble Coward, fled the scene!"

OMAR: ( _putting a hand on Quaxo's shoulder_ ) In other words...RUN!

( _We hurtle through the ominously empty streets until we spot another creepy warehouse with a glassless window up ahead._..)

ALONZO: ( _hissing_ _to_ _Munko_ ) Munko! Let's get everyone in there! If we're quick we might be able to throw off this Sneezicle thing!

NEWSIES: ( _in a hiss_ ) SNYLITZEL!

ALONZO: Oh yeah... Sorry...

QUAXO: ( _running to Jenny with a frightened expression_ ) But it's scary in there!

JENNY: ( _pushing him towards the window_ ) Get in there!

( _Plato, who is already inside the building, reaches out and pulls the small cat inside before turning to help the next. When it comes to Tugger's turn, he snags his mane on the frame and once he is inside, he starts complaining vociferously._ )

TUGGER: ( _looking around the room in disgust_ ) _Why_ is there _never_ a _mirror_ when you need one?

( _Everyone ignores him and continues to pull the Cats (and Newsies) to safety. In fact, they are all so busy, they fail to notice the ever curious Pouncival sticking his nose into a large chest which says "Do Not Open" on it.._.)

POUNCE: ( _suddenly_ ) Help!

( _We all turn to discover Pounce hanging half out of the chest, his hind legs thrashing.._.)

TUMBLE: ( _throwing himself towards his little brother)_ _POUNCE_!

ALONZO: ( _rather pointlessly_ ) Don't panic, Captain Mainwaring! Oh, ahem, I mean, don't panic, Pounce!

( _Anjion, Munko and Alonzo immediately run towards the struggling kitten, grab whatever they can reach and, with a huge, united effort, finally manage to pull Pounce free, and the four land in a heap on the floor. Or rather, on top of Munkustrap..._ )

MUNKO: ( _slightly winded_ ) Ooof!

( _He climbs to his feet while Pounce, who is now wearing a rather traumatised expression, is gathered into the arms of Jellylorum, but before anyone can do anything more, a huge Hug Monster emerges from the chest..._ )

 **[A/N: No one really knows what a Hug Monster should look like. They are very indecisive beasts...]**

HUG MONSTER: ( _shrilly_ ) COME TO MEEE, POUNCY!

POUNCE:( _nervously_ ) N-no way! ( _He moves behind Jelly_ )

HUG MONSTER: ( _wheedling_ ) Awww, come on, Pouncy! I only wanna _hug_ you... **  
**  
ANJION: ( _as the hideous beast glides closer to Pounce, making kissy faces at him_ ) Quickly! Into that random laundry chute over there!

CASSANDRA: No way! I do _not_ wish to soil my beautiful coat!

TUGGER: ( _agreeing_ ) Yeah! And I'm sure my mane looks bad enough already!

CORICO: If you do _not_ go into the chute, you will die a most painful death!

TUGGER: ( _muttering darkly under his breath_ ) Knowing these two authors, we're gonna die a most painful death anyway...

ANJION: ( _indignant_ ) Hey! I heard that! We try _not_ to kill characters!

BOMBA: ( _grabbing Tugger_ ) Just go!

( _She pushes him into the chute and he disappears with a yell. One by one, the others jump into the chute after him with Munkustrap, at the rear, leaping in just in time.._.

 _Behind him, the Hug Monster tries to follow, but it cannot fit into the chute..._ )

HUG MONSTER: ( _furious and disappointed_ ) NOOOOOOO!

BIANKIES: ( _grinning as she reaches the bottom_ ) That was fun! Can we do it again?!

TUGGER: ( _to_ _Anjion_ ) Has she lost her mind?!

ANJION: No, she's just enjoying herself too much...

TANTO: ( _looking uneasily around the empty room_ ) We have to get out of this place... There are hidden dangers...

( _Everyone immediately hurries across to the grimy window – which Tugger is attempting to use as a mirror – and push it open, hurrying out onto the street. Tugger is out last and immediately shuts the window, attempting to see himself in the dirty glass._ )

JENNY: ( _tugging at his arm_ ) Come on, Tugger!

TUGGER: ( _refusing to budge_ ) I just wanna check my mane. Won't be long...

JENNY: ( _pulling harder and with determination_ ) Come _on_ Tugger!

( _And Tugger is forced to comply._

 _We manage to get a little way along without incident, but then there is a horrendous crash and a terrifying screech from behind us..._

 _In a split second, several things happen. Jelly throws her arms protectively around the two nearest cats – which happen to be Munkustrap and Admetus – and glares wildly at everyone. Quaxo screams and claws his way up onto Kassim's head. Omar promptly faints. Skittery, in his desire to escape, runs headlong into a wall and stuns himself. Even Tugger is temporarily startled out of his search for a reflective surface. And Jenny – sweet, lovable Jenny – suddenly goes into 'attack' mode: claws out, teeth bared, eyes blazing, fur on end, tail bottle-brushy... A truly terrifying transformation..._ )

QUAXO: ( _from Kassim's head, in a high-pitched squeak_ ) Munko, _do_ something!

( _Everyone else whirls around in shock...to find Tumble sprawled over an old litter bin, and we all sigh with relief. It was_ he _who caused the racket!_ )

TUMBLE: ( _getting up a little unsteadily and looking at us apologetically_ ) S-sorry...

MUNKO: What happened? You're not usually that clumsy...

TUMBLE: ( _shakily_ ) I-I-I... I thought I s-saw another m-monster.

JELLY: ( _kindly_ , _hunkering down beside him_ ) Can you describe it?

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA: ( _suddenly appearing in the alleyway, swinging his cape, his white half-mask gleaming_ ) Perhaps it will be better if I introduced myself!

( _There is a sudden, frantic burst of movement..._ )

PHANTOM: ( _to the empty air as the dust cloud settles_ ) What did I do? I only wanted to them to _sing_ to me...

( _And, disappointed, he turns and sweeps away._ )

( _We keep hurtling through the twisting alleys until we at last come out in a much more cheerful little area, where we finally draw to a halt. A few moments later, we notice that we are being watched by a smallish gathering of people...no, not people, but Munchkins!_ )

BOMBA: ( _who is soaking up the attention that our sudden appearance has garnered_ ) My, aren't they _cute_?

MUNKO: ( _hissing_ ) Stop it, Bomba!

( _Bomba smirks at him; she's having too much fun. Tugger, who is trying to inconspicuously find some sort of reflective surface in which to see the state of his mane, doesn't even notice..._

 _And while all this is going on, no-one notices Mungo and Teazer sneaking into a nearby house, mischief written on their faces...)_

MUNKO: ( _nervously to Anjion as they resume their journey_ ) What _were_ those things?

ANJION: Oh, they were Munchkins. Though it's strange to see them so far from Oz... I wonder-

( _But before she can say anything more, there is a loud, angry bellow from behind us and then two orange, yellow, white and black blurs rush past us._ )

TEAZER: ( _exhilarated_ ) RUN!

( _Everyone looks on for a moment before following the pair of thieves into an alley...the end of which is blocked by a really high wall.._.)

QUAXO: ( _panicking_ ) What're we gonna do _now_?!

SKITTERY: ( _overdramatically and miserably_ ) WE'RE DOOMED!

( _And then Peter Pan flies in._ )

PETER: No you're not! All you need is a little faith! And trust! And pixie dust... ( _he searches his pockets, muttering under his breath_ ) Oh no! I forgot Tinkerbell! Sorry, you're doomed.

( _And he flies off again_.)

OMAR: ( _rushing to Kassim_ ) Kassim, _do_ something!

KASSIM: What do you want _me_ to do; grow wings and _fly_?

JELLY: ( _drily_ ) Well, it's either that or get trampled by the angry horde...

( _We stare at the oncoming rush of angry Munchkins for a single second, before turning and scaling the wall with incredible athleticism._..)

DEMETER: ( _wide eyed as we reach the top_ ) I didn't know humans could do that!

SWIFTY: ( _pulling her along_ ) You'd be _amazed_ what we can do under pressure! Especially when those two authors are about...

( _When we finally stop, Munko and Alonzo grab the bags of loot from the two cat burglars_...)

MUNGO: Hey!

( _Munko glares sharply at him and starts looking through the bag in his paws. At one point, he pulls out a polished silver plate, which Tugger promptly snatches..._ )

TUGGER: Aha! Perfect!

( _He peers into it, gasping involuntarily as he finally gets the briefest of glimpses of his untidy mane. He immediately starts trying to set it right, but then Munkustrap snatches the plate back, glaring at him._ )

TUGGER: ( _slightly more high-pitched than normal_ ) Hey! I _need_ that...

MUNKO: ( _sternly_ ) We have to return it!

TUGGER: ( _upset_ ) But my _mane_! I look _terrible_!

JENNY: ( _rather sharply_ ) Oh, shush about your mane! A little untidiness won't _kill_ you!

TUGGER: ( _weakly_ ) But...

MUNKO: ( _sternly_ ) We have to give this stuff back!

JEMIMA: ( _looking back at the wall_ ) We can't go back! We'll get trampled!

PLATO: ( _quietly_ ) Why don't we just drop the sacks over the wall? That would distract the Munchkins _and_ return the stuff at the same time...

( _We all look at the shy cat in astonishment. He rarely speaks, and then to come up with such a good idea when he_ does _..._ )

BIANKIES: Great idea!

QUAXO: Yeah! That way, no one has to go down there!

BIANKIES: And it's the perfect excuse for the Cowardly Club to keep out of danger too!

( _And so the bags of loot are duly dropped on the Munchkins, causing a wonderful distraction (and several concussions), and then on we go..._ )

SKIMBLE: ( _cheerfully_ ) So, where are we off to next?

ANJION: ( _unhelpfully_ ) Well, we're still headed for the junkyard...

( _We climb down to ground level and set off again. We manage to cover quite a bit of distance without incident but then, just as we think that maybe we're past the worst, there is yet_ another _loud crash from somewhere ahead of us..._ )

SKITTERY: ( _in a high-pitched squeak_ ) What was that?!

( _And then something appears from an alley up ahead..._ )

EXOTICA: ( _rather dramatically_ ) IT'S A GIANT POLLICLE!

ADMETUS: ( _happily_ ) Have no fear! I, the Rumpus Cat, will chase it off!

ANJION: ( _hastily grabbing Admetus' scruff_ ) That's no dog, Admetus! That's a Random Werewolf! They're extremely dangerous because you never know _when_ they might turn up! We have to hide somewhere!

ANDREW KEENAN-BOLGER: ( _leaning out of the window of a nearby theatre_ ) In here! Quick!

( _We all turn around and sprint towards the theatre. Tugger, having been at the back, is now in front and he dives into the theatre without even opening the door, leaving there a perfect, Tugger-shaped hole.._.)

SWIFTY: ( _wincing, to Pie Eater_ ) Ooh, that's gotta _hurt!_...

( _We all follow Tugger into the dim light of the impressive theatre, gazing around us in awe. And then a familiar person comes out of the shadows.._.)

AKB: ( _smiling in relief at the two crazy fangirl authors_ ) Thank goodness you guys are ok! That Random Werewolf has been causing problems round here for days!

BIANKIES: ( _trying not to blush in AKB's presence_ ) Thanks for helping us! Today has been a hard day, eh Starsie?

ANJION: ( _standing stock still, staring at Andrew with adoring eyes_ ) Crutchie...AKB...Crutchie...

( _While this is going on, Tugger, who had been getting increasingly upset about the state of his mane, has been feverishly looking in every nook and cranny, searching for the mirror that has so far evaded him. When he at last spots what appears to be a large, full-length mirror not far away, he gives a great cry of relief and delight – at last, he can sort out his wildly wayward mane and restore his dignity! – and bounds across to it. He peers in...and immediately utters a piercing, high-pitched shriek which quickly tails off as he keels over backwards in a dead faint._ )

ETCETERA: ( _shrieking shrilly_ ) _TUGGER_!

GRIZABELLA: ( _gazing down at him from the other side of the broken frame_ ) Um... Well, I've never had quite _that_ reaction before...

( _Some time later..._ )

( _We are on the move once again. Tugger has finally come round and is now back on his feet. It took Mac and Lacey quite a while to convince him that had_ not _turned into Grizabella, and he is now stalking along a little to the side of the rest of us in an attempt to hide his embarrassment while retaining what little dignity he has left.._.)

( _For a little while, no one says anything, but then.._.)

BIANKIES: ( _looking around and pulling her friend's sleeve_ ) Starsie...

( _She is ignored as the group continues walking, talking merrily to each other.._.)

BIANKIES: ( _slightly more urgently_ ) _Starsie_...

MUNKO: ( _to Anjion_ ) So how do we get all of you back to your own world?

BIANKIES: ( _loudly interrupting before Anjion can answer_ ) Anjion Starsie Writer Person! We got a problem!

( _Having finally gotten the attention she wanted, Biankies points behind them and we all look to find..._ )

BILBO BAGGINS: ( _loudly and randomly_ ) ORCS!

( _We immediately turn and run at breakneck speed. Luckily for us, we manage to dodge into the first nearby alley, just in time to avoid the orcs, who run straight past it. We stop to rest for a few moments, until._..)

DUTCHY: Hey, can anyone hear music?

SNITCH: Yeah, I can hear it too!

KITTENS: Us too!

BIANKIES: ( _to Anjion_ ) Does that sound kinda familiar to you?

ANJION: ( _to Biankies_ ) Yeah... It sounds like it's coming from that warehouse over there...

( _We rush to peer into the window of the warehouse. And then someone bursts into a fantastic rendition of 'Memory'._..)

DEWEY FINN/SCHNEEBLY: ( _a few moments later_ ) NO! STOP!

( _The singing stops abruptly_. _Dewey starts selecting children from the class, assigning them their places in the band until he is left with three people.._.)

DEWEY: ( _pointing to each of the two little girls in front of him_ ) Back-up singer, back-up singer... ( _he turns and points to the third person_ ) Groupie.

GRIZABELLA: ( _extremely annoyed_ ) _WHAT_?! _Groupie_?! Huh! I sang _much_ better than they did!

( _And she turns on her heel and stalks off, sulking._ )

TUGGER: Come on, let's go before they see us. I don't want them seeing me like this...

( _But as we turn away from the window, there is a sudden angry yell from behind us.._.)

BUMLETS: ( _urgently_ ) It's Snyder! RUN!

MUNKO: Follow me! We have to get to the junkyard! Quickly!

( _We all sprint after the Jellicle protector as fast as we can, weaving wildly through the streets, relentlessly pursued by the cruel man until we finally manage to escape into a very small alley and watch him run straight past..._ )

MAC: ( _a few moments later, peering cautiously out of the alley_ ) He's gone; we've lost him.

JENNY: ( _puffing and wheezing_ ) Just as well! I don't think I can keep up with all this running!

SKIMBLE: ( _brightly, looking out of the other end of the alley_ ) Hey! I know this place! We're nearly home!

MUNKO: ( _from the front, without turning round_ ) Right then, Cats, we mustn't get excited. Nobody knows _what_ might be around that corner. It could be dangerous...

( _But nobody is listening and Munko is promptly trampled by Cats and Newsies alike.._.)

MUNKO: ( _groaning_ ) Owww...

QUAXO: Hurry up Munko! We're nearly there!

TUGGER: Finally! It's going to take _forever_ to fix my mane!

( _But as we round the corner, everyone suddenly screeches to a halt and stares in dismay at where the junkyard very clearly isn't.._.)

MUNKO: ( _loudly_ ) NO!

BIANKIES: ( _wide_ _eyed_ ) Starsie, I think we got a problem...

JELLY: ( _in dismay_ ) But where did it _go_?

( _Anjion turns and whispers briefly to Biankies before turning back to the group_.)

ANJION: Right everyone! Mousey and I have had a talk and we have come to the conclusion that we are in fact in a parallel London.

JENNY: ( _as she comforts the distressed kittens_ ) So how are we supposed to get home _now_?

ANJION: ( _with a hint of dread_ ) We're gonna have to go back to where we started...

QUAXO: ( _scared_ ) But I don't want to go back there! I didn't like all those monsters...

( _At this point, Coricopat sticks a paw in the air, trying to get our attention.._.)

CORICIO: I have an idea...

MUNKO: ( _not hearing him_ ) Do what the authors say! We have no other choice!

POUNCE: ( _whining_ ) But that'll take _ages_!

ANJION: ( _brightly_ ) Not if we run really fast!

CORICO: ( _trying to get our attention_ ) Actually, I know an easier way...

( _But Anjion hasn't heard him either and leads the group into a full-out run. Corico, defeated, heaves a sigh and follows, and then we are rushing back through the streets and alleys at double-speed. At first, we somehow fail to encounter any of the people and monsters we saw on the way, but as we near the alley where we started..._ )

ALONZO: ( _pricking up his ears and frowning_ ) Can you hear something?

MUNKO: ( _listening too_ ) You mean that faint thundering sound?

ALONZO: Yeah...

( _But before we can turn to investigate..._ )

SHAGGY: ( _making a swift, brief and random entrance from behind us_ ) MONSTERS!

SCOOBY DOO: Run, Raggy!

( _And they disappear again as we all turn to look at each other in dread..._ )

SKITTERY: M-monsters?!

( _We all turn_ _to look behind us, to see a swiftly approaching army of.._.)

EVERYONE: MONSTERS!

ANJION: ( _urgently_ ) Quick! Into the alley!

( _We all dive into the alley, but before we can even_ consider _breathing sighs of relief, the alley is suddenly filled with random flashes of lightning and an evil laugh starts reverberating round the small space.._.)

DEMETER: ( _going into her customary 'shock-horror' pose_ ) Macavity!

( _And sure enough, there is the scruffy, wild-maned orange cat, standing proud on a nearby roof, creepily illuminated by the flashing sky; a toothy, evil grin upon his face.._.)

MUNKO: ( _hastily_ ) Back! Back! We need to go somewhere else!

( _As one, we turn and start running back in the other direction, heading for the next nearest alley...only to find our way blocked by the incoming rush of monsters!_ )

ANJION: ( _turning towards another alley_ ) This way!

( _She is nearly swallowed by a gigantic sock monster with humungous googly eyes._ )

MUNKO: ( _turning_ _again_ ) Let's try _this_ way!

( _And he only_ just _manages to avoid the pincers of a very large and very angry crab..._

 _And Pounce, darting desperately into the mouth of yet another alley, almost immediately finds himself face to face with an ugly old woman with an eerie smile and a basket of apples.._.)

CRONE: ( _proffering a particularly red apple_ ) Care for an apple, sonny?

POUNCE: ( _backing slowly away_ ) Er... No thanks!

( _And he turns and runs back to his friends.._.)

ANJION: ( _in a frantic yet calm, loud voice_ ) We have to figure out a way back to _our_ London _now_!

VICTORIA: ( _nervously scanning the ever-tightening circle of approaching monsters_ ) But we're _trapped_! There's no way out!

CORICO: ( _loudly_ ) Actually there _is_ a way—

JELLY: ( _interrupting, apparently without having heard him_ ) She's right, Munko! There _is_ no way out!

CORICO: ( _frustrated_ ) But there _is_ a way—

VICTORIA: ( _interrupting_ _again_ _and_ _bordering on hysterical as the monsters advance further_ ) I DON'T WANNA DIE! CERTAINLY NOT LIKE THIS!

CORICO: ( _spluttering a little in annoyance_ ) YOU'RE NOT _GOING_ TO DIE— Oh what's the use; she won't hear me anyway...

( _And, finally deciding to take matters into his own paws, he turns at once to the tuxedo tom who just happens to be beside him and starts yelling in his ear. And just a few moments later..._ )

QUAXO: ( _yelling so as to be heard over the panicking rabble_ ) Everybody, link hands!

( _And as we obey, without quite knowing why, he transforms swiftly into the sparkling Mister Mistoffelees and starts spinning on one foot in the middle of the newly formed ring of friends, his arms out at right angles to his body, rotating faster and faster in an endless whirlwind of light until-_ )

POOF!

( _And when the smoke clears, we are safely back in the junkyard..._ )

POUNCE and TUMBLE: ( _breaking into a happy dance at once_ ) We made it! Hooray! We made it!

TUGGER: ( _immediately and with passion_ ) Now _where's_ my _mirror_?

( _And he marches off towards his den while everyone else clusters around Mistoffelees, who is staring at his paws in surprise and wonder..._ )

MISTOFFELEES: ( _in an awed whisper_ ) I did it! I actually did it!

TANTO: ( _grinning with triumph_ ) Of _course_ you did it! We _knew_ you could do it! You could have done it the moment we arrived! After all, you _are_ the Magical Mr Mistoffelees, aren't you?

( _Mistoffelees nods and begins to purr with pleasure as he laps up all the attention_.)

MUNKO: ( _to Tanto, frowning_ ) Wait, you _knew_ that Misto could teleport us back?

TANTO: ( _inspecting her claws_ ) Yes.

ALONZO: And you knew this the _whole_ _time_?

CORICO: ( _shrugging indifferently_ ) Only since we discovered that we were in a parallel London, but yes.

ALONZO: ( _annoyed_ ) And I suppose you've known that we were in a parallel London, ever since we arrived?

TANTO: ( _still inspecting her claws_ ) We found out for sure when you did, but we've suspected this fact since we got here, yes.

MUNKO: ( _almost exploding with frustration_ ) Then why didn't you _say_ so?!

CORICO: ( _slightly defensively_ ) We've been trying to, but you didn't listen! And people kept interrupting!

( _Munko and Alonzo have the grace to look sheepish and there is a brief awkward silence, which is thankfully soon broken by the appearance of yet another Cat at the top of a nearby junk pile._ )

ASPARAGUS JR: ( _peering down at them with relief and reproach_ ) There you all are! I've been looking for you! You _know_ how Gus gets if no-one wants to listen to his stories...

ELECTRA: ( _eagerly scrambling up to meet him_ ) Well just wait until Uncle Gus hears the story _we_ have to tell _him_!...

( _And she and the other kittens – including Quaxo, who has melted back into his 'normal' form – scurry off to find the elderly tom and tell him all about their Very Big Adventure..._ )

* * *

Epilogue One

( _Still at the junkyard, some time later.._.)

ANJION: Well, that was certainly an _unusual_ adventure...

BIANKIES: It sure was! But then, _most_ of our adventures _are_ strange...

RACE: ( _to Kassim, in a murmur_ ) Those two _authors_ are strange...

KASSIM: ( _murmuring back_ ) You can say _that_ again...

TUGGER: ( _proudly_ _fluffing his recently restored mane and striking a pose_ ) Well, _I'm_ just glad that my magnificence is once again fit for your viewing pleasure!

( _He looks around him with a self-satisfied grin and starts to roll his hips... and then a large group of Random Screaming Tugger Fangirls come hurtling out of nowhere, heading towards the unfortunate Maine Coon, all screaming his name..._ )

RANDOM SCREAMING TUGGER FANGIRLS: ( _with ear-splitting shrillness_ ) TUGGER!

TUGGER: ( _in fright as he takes off running_ ) HELP!

( _But he isn't fast enough and soon finds himself surrounded on all sides by the mob of clamouring females, helpless as he is swallowed up into the very midst of them and disappears from view.._.

 _After a brief but extremely intense flurry of movement, the Random Screaming Fangirls finally straighten up and disappear as suddenly as they arrived, leaving behind a rather stunned and flustered Tugger, who is now sitting on the ground. He pulls himself slowly to his feet and automatically starts brushing the dust from his fur in a dazed manner...until he notices that we are all looking at him with rather shocked expressions..._ )

TUGGER: ( _looking a little worried_ ) What? What is it?

( _There is no reply from those gathered, who continue to simply stare at him, but someone produces a large hand mirror from somewhere and holds it out to him... And a few moments later, Tugger gives another high-pitched shriek and flees, with the many little pink ribbons that have been tied into his mane fluttering wildly behind him._ )

* * *

Epilogue Two

( _Inside the beautiful and breath-taking building known as the Neil Simon Theatre in New York, the cast of the Broadway revival of Cats the Musical have just finished another successful performance, and are heading back to their various dressing rooms to start taking off their costumes and make-up. As they walk, the topic of their conversation turns to a very energetic and random Cats Fanfiction – by two apparently crazy fangirl authors called Anjion and Biankies – that they had discovered that lunch-time._ )

SHONICA GOODEN: ( _loudly enough for the entire cast to hear_ ) So what do you guys think of those two authors?

ELOISE KROPP: ( _smiling her wonderful smile_ ) They seem...wonderfully eccentric!

SARA JEAN FORD: Well, it's pretty obvious they have a severe crush on Tugger!

CHRISTINE CORNISH SMITH: ( _in her really posh voice_ ) Haven't we all? But he's already taken. After all, _I_ am Bombalurina! Bombalurina Stage Centre Zero Front White Contract hyphen White Contract! (Which means 'Principle', you know...)

LILI FROEHLICH: ( _grinning_ ) Hey, knock it off, Christine!

( _Christine pretends to sulk_.)

SHONICA: ( _also grinning_ ) So, what would you guys do if those two turned up at the door right now?

QUENTIN EARL DARRINGTON: I'd ask them why Old Deuteronomy isn't in it!

JEREMY DAVIS: Well, you do realise that Old D only turns up once a year, don't you? So he probably wasn't around for the story...

ANDY HUNTINGTON JONES: ( _as he turns into his dressing room_ ) I think _I'd_ go hide. Those two sound scary!

RICKY UBEDA: ( _following_ _Andy_ ) Me too. I wouldn't want to get squashed!

GIUSEPPE BAUSILIO: ( _teasing_ ) Or have your contours ruined!

( _Ricky_ _glares_ _at_ _him_.)

TYLER HANES: ( _smirking as he turns into his own dressing room_ ) Hide? Me? No way! I'd probably stick around and meet them and say hi. After all, Tugger loves his fans!

( _He proceeds to go off on a tangent about how wonderful Tugger is and_ why _he loves his fans, and he is so preoccupied that he doesn't notice the commotion from the other room as two over-excited fangirl authors appear out of nowhere and leap happily onto the first Cats they see.._.)

ANJION: ( _squealing happily_ ) ANDY HUNTINGTON JONES!

BIANKIES: ( _also squealing happily_ ) RICKY UBEDA!

( _Back in his dressing room, Tyler is still going, totally oblivious to all this.._.)

TYLER: ...And besides, they're only fangirls! What could _possibly_ be scary about Fangirls?...

( _As he says this, he hears an ear-splitting cry of "TYLER HANES!" from the doorway, and he slowly turns around, his eyes widening in shock and horror as he sees the two fangirls – both wearing identical excited grins on their faces – flying through the air directly towards him..._ )

THE END

 **FA/N: Sorry about that epilogue, guys; Macavity hypnotised us into writing it! If we offended anyone with it, we apologise, as that was definitely** _ **not**_ **our intention! And don't worry; if we** _ **did**_ **ever meet you guys at the stage door, we most certainly** _ **wouldn't**_ **jump on you...though I couldn't promise that we wouldn't fangirl...**

 **And we** _ **are**_ **aware that we have mismatched some of the changing-room occupants. It was necessary...**

 **And yes, we** _ **do**_ **both have a serious crush on Tugger...even if Munko** _ **is**_ **my favourite...**

 **Oh, and just in case you were wondering, this is what the abbreviations at the beginning (and very end) stand for:**

 **A/N = Authors' Note**

 **AA/N = Another Authors' Note**

 **YAA/N = Yet Another Authors' Note**

 **OMA/N = One More Authors' Note**

 **FA/N = Final Authors' Note.**


End file.
